“You can’t stay pregnant forever”…

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Yep… That’s what one of the nurses said to me, the lady past due with her forth child, as I laid there in terrible pain, being discharged because they did not have time to induce me. I needed to be on the “schedule” for that. (but if my cervix was working, I guess they make time?)

Had I been composed enough to school her, I would have. Mostly I wanted to scratch her eyes out but decided too control myself.

I am not a doctor or midwife or doula. I don’t deliver babies all day. I do know my own body and from experience, it is not cooperative when it comes to the actual act of going into labor. I joke about it and try to make light of it, but really I am being dead serious and it bothers me quite a bit. When I hear someone talk about how they went into labor on their own, I get ridiculously jealous… Like too an unhealthy level.

People will say, especially the nurses and midwifes LOVE to say tell you (and if you are like me, you get real freaking tired of it and you want to go insane on them) … your baby will come when your ready. Oh really?? Apparently you missed that special on tv about the woman with the 30 yr old fetus, didn’t you???

Not every one’s body works the way it should. If it did, there would be a lot of pissed off doctors and nurses, out of work with piles of college bills to pay. I do not know why this is the general assumption… Ya know, especially since we all like in a perfect world. Not.
It makes people like me feel broken and insufficient, like a failure.

Not to mention, although it was probably barbaric, c-sections have been dated back to like 300 BC. Why? Well, it wasn’t because mom wanted too but because there was a medical need. Nowadays, I think c-sections and inductions tend to be performed more often unnecessarily and for social reasons but it is not always the case. If mom is having a medical emergency, a c-section will save lives.

I have been lucky so far that I have not needed a c-section. My body reacts positively to petocin so my babies have been born via induction. I firmly believe that if not for modern day medicine, I would still be pregnant with my first – just like that woman in India.

As I have mentioned, we grow big babies in this family. It is a trait on Hubbs side of the family. There is no history of prenatal diabetes… just big, hearty, healthy babies… Ready to be put to work on the farm! Haha! Which is also another pet peeve of mine… The drs and nurses assume me or baby has a sugar problem when they find out how I have big babies. It is just as simple as genetics! It also makes a natural birth a little more challenging, even if you are able to go into real labor on your own.

Anyhow, with my first baby, the doctor allowed me to wait over a week past my due date knowing the possibility of the baby being rather large. I understand this is common practice with first time moms, I get it. A week past my due date, and my cervix had not done a thing and I had been in false labor for weeks. (supposedly contractions are what cause your cervix to progress and ready for labor). My labor with him was so bad, I SWORE I would never get pregnant again. (well we see how that worked out). He was huge and I was in hard labor for 2 1/2 hours, so physically exhausted, I would sleep for even 30 secs between contractions and pushing. My dr was on the verge of rushing me to the OR for emergency c-section when I was finally able to get him out. An absolutely terrible birthing experience… Not like I would ever call a birthing experience good. I mean, the end result, your beautiful baby, is good but the process is excruciating and there is a lot of yucky fluids involved.

I know women who start to dilate and get stuck therefore needing a c-section. So how does the “when your ready” method apply here?? You continue to labor and not progress therefore causing stress on the baby and baby passes meconium, or worse! So if one is in the sort of situation, you cannot sit around and wait for your body to finish “getting ready”. Maybe you see where I am going with this. “You’re not ready” is a freaking cop out. I hate it. I hate hearing it. I want to banish it from all languages.

So, why doesn’t my cervix work? (all you all-knowing can kiss it if you try to tell me there is no such thing as a cervix that doesn’t work- I have been through it!!!) I get nice strong contractions. This morning they felt like the contractions I get on petocin… Bent over, crying in pain. But my cervix is still doing a whole lotta nothing. When the midwife tells me I am dilated to 1, I do not believe her. I think she is trying to be nice to me and lift my spirits. I am not freaking idiot. This is my forth pregnancy, remember?!?! Your mind games only set me up for disappointment and anger.

So I am curious, what is it that I am deficient in? Why do i have such a hard time going into real labor? And why is it that the petocin helps me?

I have done a little research and it all makes sense to me now. I can’t wait to educate my drs tomorrow! It is going to be awesome. Well, for me at least.

Both men and women have a hormone called oxytocin. This is the “cuddle” hormone. It is also the hormone responsible for causing contractions that ready your cervix and help you deliver your baby. It is also believed to vital to the nursing process. On this note: I have never produced more then 2 oz of breast milk, ever. It’s all starting to make sense… The nursing specialist (the one who cost me $450 with her nonsense) had told me that all women make enough milk for their babies, can shove it now.

When someone is deficient in this hormone… Well I am just going to quote it:

“What is oxytocin used for?

The medical use of oxytocin has centered primarily on labor and delivery, dating back as far as 1906. Common trade names for prescription oxytocin used for labor and delivery are pitocin and syntocinon.

The science of oxytocin outside of labor and delivery use is still relatively new. However, studies as early as 1998 have been conducted on the effectiveness of oxytocin as a treatment for autism as well as schizophrenia. Essentially, oxytocin’s role is to assist in the modulation of the amygdala — the brain’s center for stress hormones.

Oxytocin deficiency

If oxytocin production is not working optimally and an individual has an oxytocin deficiency, then he or she may be prone to postpartum depression, generalized depression and anxiety, social isolation, phobias, panic attacks, sleep difficulties, and other common stress related ailments.

In 1995 the Atlanta Center for the Study of Disease Control estimated that 80% of diseases and disorders are related to stress. Hypothetically, if the brain’s modulating hormone for cortisol is not working effectively then the outcome is an increase in many of the ailments common today.”

Ha! It is a real problem. Oxytocin deficiency. Cortisol levels are also linked to being over weight… I really think I am onto something here. Need to do more research! Oh and cut out all stress… Oookkkkkkkkk

In the meantime, I will take great pleasure in responding to the nurse when she asks if I am dilated, “Due to oxytocin deficiency, NO.”


Chart House Bday Dinner

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Let me preface, my husband rocks!

My husband knows me better than anyone, let me tell you.  My birthday is coming on Monday so he made arrangements to us to have dinner at the Chart House tonight, unbeknown to me.  He wanted to surprise me and had done a great deal of “research on google.”  (my husband only recently discovered the internet.  hahha)

He knew that I would love the menu.  Not only was this a seafood restaurant, they actually offer shrimp dishes other than “fried butterfly shrimp”.  All I knew was that we were going to dinner in Annapolis and it wasn’t our usual place, Buddy’s.  I have never been to Chart House before so I was really excited.  Obviously, I like to try new places!

First of all, this restaurant almost seems to be floating on the water.  To get in you have walk the length of the building, with a couple measly cables strung up to keep you from wondering into the water.  There are like 567 windows.  When you walk in, you are immediately drawn to the huge wall of windows where the lounge is.

AAAA(hhhh)mmmAAAzzing views.  Gorgeous.

Well, we weren’t eating in the lounge.  We were going to the dining room.  Special occasion, okay.

We are seated and I start to browse the menu.  PricEY!!  We have obviously have a chef in the house, or at least there better be.

To start, we had the Oyster Rockefeller.  They were so good.  Creamy and buttery and spinachy and delicious. Was there really an oyster in there?

Of course, I had to try the Cream of Crab.  It was a bit spicy which was a little unexpected for me.  It was smooth and creamy and there was plenty of lump crab meat.  I can’t say it is my # 1 favorite Cream of Crab, but it’s up there with the better bowls.  It was a pretty decent size helping, as well.

I went for the “Best of Shrimp” entrée.  It consisted of 3-Crunchy Coconut Shrimp, 3-Baked (crab) Stuffed Shrimp, and 3-Shrimp Scampi over angel hair pasta.  It was served with some sort of sweet ketchup sauce.  I didn’t really care for the sauce.  The Crunchy Coconut Shrimp were the best of the 3 selections.  They were excellent.  The price was about $28 for this dish.

My husband got the Mixed Grill entrée which consisted of grill bronzed mahi, shrimp scampi & a jumbo lump crab cake, served with mashed potatoes and asparagus.  I snagged a bite of the mahi and mashed potatoes.  SO GOOD!  He didn’t tell me how good the crab cake was until he was finished eating it.  He’s not really into sharing.  He said it was one of the best he’d ever had.

Being that it’s my birthday, I indulged in their Ultimate Margarita.  It was very good.  I can’t say the best, but very, very good.  I had 3!  It’s my birthday!!!  One of my qualms with this restaurant does involve my margarita.  The glassware is awkwardly tall.  I imagine a person on the short side would really have to take the glass from the table and put in in their lap to drink from it.  I realize restaurants use glassware like this to make it look like you have more drink that you actually have.  I just found it awkward.

We ordered the Heath Bar Crunch Chocolate Lava Cake for dessert even though we were stuffed.  Let’s just say these people have it figured out when comes to dessert.  They tell you that they need 30 mins to make the dessert so they ask you to order it with your meal.  Usually the servers ask you about dessert after you have eaten and you are so full you can’t even think about it.  Smart, Chart House, smart.  That being said, it was so delicious.  Rich, chocolatey, creamy, crunchy, and a little warm.  Even though I was so full that I felt like I was going to explode, I ate some!

I was also a little disappointed to learn that it is a chain restaurant.  Given that, they do offer fabulous food, and food that would require a chef in the kitchen.  Other than that, the price of the food makes it difficult for me to warrant eating at the Chart House on any other occasion than a special one.

Overall though, this place is just amazing and my husband is the BEST!  🙂

(I tried to take some pictures of my food before I devoured it but my cell takes awful photos and it was dark in the restaurant and therefore my flash was embarrassing!)

Dinner and GodSpell

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Tonight my Mom took me to see Godspell at a church over in Gaithersburg.  We got dinner at Dave’s American Bistro in Laytonsville.  This place looks like a total hole-in-the-wall! Seriously! But the food was great. I think the Cream of Crab was some of the best I ever had.  It was a little pricey but overall a great find!

On the play… let me first start with the church.  Or should I say MEGA church.  I mean this place puts the ridiculous St Louis cathedral in Clarksville to shame.  My qualm with MEGA churches is that they feel very commercial to me.  I admit, this one didn’t feel like that so much.  It was very nice, actually.  Okay, well I haven’t even made it to the auditorium yet.  It’s HUGE and the sound system is like something you’d see at a theater on Broadway.  There is some serious electronics in this joint.

My mom had the hook-up and her friend who attends the church got us excellent seats.  Front and Center.  Literally, perfect seats.  I have never seen GodSpell before so when the Jesus character emerges looking a like a clown, I was a little taken back.  It felt wrong for a minute or 5.  But the message is right.  The show was excellent.  Like professional production.  These kids (like kids!  teenagers) have more talent in their pinkie toe then I do in my entire being.   I was just absolutely in awe.

Great night!!! Thanks Mom!

Just Fantastical

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I haven’t posted in a while… well, I haven’t finished a post in a while.  Got plenty of saved drafts.  Hope to get them done this week.

We have been super busy.  Work, kids, frantically trying to get a second story on our home – while we are living in our home!

I should be doing my Philosophy homework.  But instead I am going to do a little philosophizing of my own.

And so it begins.  Our home addition will make our living situation so much more comfortable.  I am afraid the same cannot be said for relationships.   Just fantastical.

I would say that we (my husband and I) are mildly successful.  Not wildly.  And our success has NOT come easy.  We have been down, like, below rock bottom.  We have not had anything handed to us.  We work.  A LOT.  Plus some.  We have learned from our mistakes and poor decisions, and I am so proud of us for what we have accomplished.  And I am grateful for all that we have and my beautiful family.

We have outgrown our 1000 sq ft rancher.  It’s cramped.

no hamsters were harmed in the making of this photo

It ticks me off when I trip over my husband because there is not enough space for us to both be in the same room.  It irritates the hell out of me that I have to keep some of my cloths in laundry baskets because I don’t have enough closet space.  It grinds my nerves that I have to shimmy around our bed to get to the smallest master bathroom on the face of the planet (ya know, the one, so small that when I was pregnant, I had to literally lift my belly up with my hands to side step past the sink to get to the potty.  That one).  Oh and our company office is run from our little house.

So we decided to take the plunge and add a second story onto our little house.  And it looks AMAZING.  It’s only day 3 of the build.  And already, I feel there is tension.

And it pisses me off that I feel like I have to even defend us for our decision to make our biggest investment, our home, more comfortable for my family.  Am I just paranoid?  Or is it human nature to hate on those who are successful?

Let’s philosophize…

It’s all about competition.  We live in an extremely competitive world.  Someone feels as though you are successful and they are not, so they feel like they have lost the race.  Some people are poor losers.  So they resent you.


Success is EEEVVVVIIIILLLL.  Some people feel like to be successful you did something morally wrong to get your success.  All money and success is the evil and you are the devil.


JEALOUS much?  Some people hate on successful people because they are not successful themselves.  This of all theories irritates the hell out of me.  In actuality, anyone who really applies themselves can attain a measure of success.


“Stop stealing my thunder.”  Some people think that by putting down someone who is successful, it will make them look better.  In reality, the smack talker usually ends up looking like a jerk, and Mrs. Success only looks more glorious.


Blame Game.  Some people are just unhappy.  And it’s all the fault of a successful person somewhere.


Then there is the question of measure.  How does one measure one’s success?  By material alone?  Well, if that’s true, I don’t think I’d be considered a success.  I have nice things but we aren’t talking top of the line okay.  My kids cloths are from Walmart and Old Navy (as are mine).  I don’t drive a luxury vehicle.  I get my nails done like once a year.  But I don’t need those things to be happy.  I believe success should be measure in happiness first, then financial stability.  Personally, if someone is happy and finds financial success, I am ecstatic for them.  Why would I hate someone for that?   If someone really must carry hate in their heart, it should be for something worth hating.  And success is not one of those somethings.


Food Creation

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It boggles my mind that there are people that don’t know about something as essential to our being as food.  Specifically, where our food comes from.  What would be the first thing that came to mind if asked where your food comes from?  Would you name your local grocery store?  Or the plant or animal that ACTUALLY produced your food?  Or the farm where you purchased it?  I am hoping and praying that you actually have food in your home that came from a plant or animal and not from some factory where a mixture of unnatural processes and chemicals birthed it.

For instance, I had a parsley plant on my kitchen table.  A visitor to my home asked me what it was.  Parsley is one of the most recognizable herbs – at least to me.  I grow it in my gardens for culinary uses, and butterflies love it!  I tell her, “It’s flat-leaf parsley.”  She looks at me, puzzled.  “What?  Aren’t you suppose to dry it or something?”  NOW, I look at her puzzled.  I am thinking, “REALLY?  She has never used fresh parsley to cook with?”  In all seriousness, I really had no idea that fresh parsley wasn’t like a household staple – especially out here where we live – it’s pretty rural (we live out in the country).  You know what they say about people who assume.  I have heard stories of children, especially those who live in cities, who have never seen a cow.

I was watching foodtv – it’s one of my favorite channels.  And the worst cooks in American show was on.  One of the ladies comments on how she didn’t know the difference between a scallion or scallop… or even if she’d ever seen a scallop before.  Sitting there watching her, I am dumbfounded.  REALLY?  People are THIS disconnected from their food?  Seriously, right now I am feel like if there was a catastrophic event and food didn’t get delivered to the grocery stores, people who just start dropping off.  They would starve to death.

I keep chickens for fresh eggs.  I have had two people flat out reject my fresh eggs.  They only get their eggs from the grocery store.  For the life of me, I CANNOT understand this. I take good care of my chickens.  They get to roam my yard and they have fresh food and water.  The eggs in the grocery store come from abused chickens on factory farms.  Even the ones that claim to be range-free rarely are.  I think the USDA standards from range-free are 2 hours of caged outside time.  I don’t know their rules exactly, just that there are loop holes and NO substitution for KNOWING exactly where your eggs are coming from.  As in going to the farm and seeing it.  For someone to reject an egg from me that might be a day or two old, for grocery store eggs that could be as much as 4 months old and where their origin is unknown, is just completely confusing to me.

Well, back to the parsley!  It’s the middle of winter.  I miss my gardens.  I miss my fresh, local fruit, herb, and veggies.  I miss all the green!  I should have done it when the temperatures first started to plummeted, but I didn’t, and time got away from me.  Hindsight is 20/20.  I need some potted herbs for my window sills.  I found these adorable kits at Home Depot.  Obviously, you don’t need a kit to grow some herbs.  You just need sun, seeds, good soil, and a pot with decent drainage.  The kit was easy and cute.
Whatever.  Means to a way.



Moistened Soil.

STEP 2:  Insert drainage liner into wooden planter.This seems like a pretty important step to me… I mean unless you like having dirt water everywhere.

STEP 3:  Organize plants.  On the back of the seed packets is information you need about the plant and how to grow it.  Based on the plant heights, I organize the plants so the tallest are in the middle pots.

STEP 4:  Start to fill pots.  Don’t use all the soil.  You will need some to soil to cover the seeds.

STEP 5:  Start sowing your seeds.  First, I am doing chives.  Here is what chive seeds and chives look like.

Chives is a herb which resembles hollow blades of grass, and the smallest member of the onion family. Chives have a mild onion flavor. Their distinctive smell and taste is derived from a volatile oil, rich in sulphur and common to the onion family, but milder and more subtle in chives. Referred to only in the plural, because they grow in clumps rather than alone. (food.com)Then I did cilantro, an herb with wide delicate lacy green leaves and a pungent flavor.  It is commonly used in Middle Eastern, Mediterranean, Indian, South Asian, Mexican, Latin American, Chinese, African and Southeast Asian cuisine. (food.com).

In my personal experience, people either LOVE cilantro or HATE cilantro.Next, I did parsley.  There are more than 30 varieties of parsley, but the most common are curly-leaf and the more pungent Italian or flat-leaf parsley. The flat-leaf has more flavor than curly parsley and is preferred for cooking, while dried parsley has little flavor at all. In ancient times parsley wreaths were used to ward off drunkenness. Chewing parsley will help with bad breath from food odors such as garlic. (Food.com)And, finally, I planted oregano.  Oregano is like marjoram, but more pungent and not as sweet. Because of its pungency, oregano requires a bit more caution in its use. Mediterranean oregano is milder than Mexican oregano. Oregano was almost unheard of in the U.S. until WW II soldiers returning from Italy raved about it. (food.com)

STEP 6:  Use leftover soil to lightly cover seeds.  

STEP 7:  Find a spot NOT in direct sunlight.  When plants sprout, they can be relocated to a spot with more direct sunlight.  

STEP 8:  Wait.  Keep soil moist but not drenched.  A little spray bottle is a nice way to achieve this.  You don’t want to drown your seeds and seedlings.

I will post pictures as they grow.

Day 2




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We had a snow day today!  With only 2 inches of snow on the ground!

Joe was around so we took the kids out to lunch and as we drove down the road sideways, I was so happy that school had been cancelled.

This evening we were supposed to interview a young lady for the nanny position I advertised for.  What a disappointment!  Such a bummer!  I mean do young adults nowadays have any work ethic?  Values?  Respect?  A conscious?  This young lady came across very down-to-earth and I really had a good feeling about her.   Until tonight.  She was supposed to be here at 6pm.  At 6:05, I told Joe I had a feeling she wasn’t going to show.  I like to give people the benefit of the doubt even though they repeatedly prove to be just irresponsible.  It was dark and snowy, maybe she couldn’t find the house.  I had her cell number so I called her from my cell.  She answered and then promptly the phone cut out.  In our correspondence, I had given her my home number.  I looked at my cell and I barely had one bar, again giving her the benefit of the doubt, maybe my phone cut out on her?  I called from the house line.  She ignored the call.  You know how when it rings and you get the sorta rollover ring when they hit the ignore button?  Yeah.  I left her a message just wondering what was going on.  I was nice and polite.  No more benefit of the doubt.  She was a no call, no show.  Seriously, any decency?  Courtesy?  Humor me.  Joe had rushed home from work.  We had rushed through our dinner.  And she didn’t even have the decency to call and give me some bullshit lie about how she couldn’t make it.

I hate that I have to even look for a nanny but it’s impossible for me to keep up this pace any more of working all the time, caring for the kids, and trying to keep up with the house with whatever non-existant energy I have left at the end of the day.   All I want to do is work, get off and make dinner for my family, and enjoy my kids in the evening.  Instead I am constantly stressed with trying to pick-up and squeeze in laundry before pooping out.  And then I end up getting short with the kids and yelling.  It sucks.  And this stupid chick listed on her facebook page (yes, I checked her out!) “couch potato at unemployed” as her occupation.  What a loser.  If any of my kids pulled what she did tonight, you better believe I would make them call and apologize.

If I had to estimate, I would say that at least 95% of this generation of young adults is lazy and devoid.  It’s really scary.  No work ethic at all.  No personality.  No drive.  No motivation.  No nothing.  Disgusting.

Her loss.  I am an awesome boss and my kids rock.  Just look at this adorable baby.  Who wouldn’t want to babysit her all day everyday?

Where is DOT?

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As I pulled onto the highway, very slowly, due to the feller in front of me with this scary load… I wondered… Where is DOT right now? Here we have a guy who’s load is an obvious hazard. My husband will get pulled over by DOT for inspection when he’s not even towing a load and is not breaking any laws at all, whatsoever. And we have the reports to prove it. Yes, a report by DOT showing you are following all the rules. That’s my hubby! And then there’s this guy who is not even subject to DOT inspections. Really!?!?