Anxiety

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Being 4 days away from the official 40 week mark of this pregnancy… I am freaking out!

Most moms, even when it’s your forth kid, go through the normal mommy worries. Will delivery go well? Praying he’s healthy. Will I be a good mom? How in the hell am I gonna be able to handle 4 kids? Yadda yadda yadda… This little man was very much not “planned”… Hubbs and I had decided that we were good and were not going to have anymore children. Well, unbeknownst to us, there is certainly another plan in place!!

One day I was just feeling like crap, I was sitting there being a lazy load and realized my monthly visitor had not arrived as expected. My part-time college student helper was out running errands for me and I asked her to pick up some tests… I felt horrible asking her – I mean how embarrassing! She said she didn’t mind. What followed was an extremely emotional afternoon… That feeling like “how am I going to handle another baby… And one that’s due during our busiest time of year” … Ya know that OH CRAP kinda feeling.

**Note: none of my babies have ever been “planned”… I am really a roll with it kind of person. I believe that babies are miracles, blessings, and gifts from God. So when I say “handle another baby”, I am referring to adequately caring for him… There is no other option in our minds. Babies are a lot of work and we will do it… It can still be scary.**

Anyhow… As I said… Baby boy is due during our busiest time of year. And it’s busy. And I have never gone into labor on my own so I am normally induced after 40 weeks. I firmly believe I am broken and even though this pregnancy has been a breeze compared to my past pregnancies, I have lost hope of going into labor on my own and I am sure he’s going to be just as big as his brothers and sister. I have big babies (all have been 9+) so letting me go too far past my due date isn’t very desirable. Even my daughter was a little more then 9lbs. That’s just how we roll.

And now I have the added stress of Hubbs being hurt and unable to walk!

So let’s try to handle 15 job sites, a broken husband, and a newborn in the next two weeks. Oh and ya know, my 3 other kids. FREAKING. OUT. The house has gone to hell… And I am going to have to let it go for now. I’d like to claim super mom status and be able to have it all under control but I can’t. Ah well. Everyone’s fed and has clean clothes to wear.

Today is GORGEOUS! Kids were out playing bright and early.

20120626-091910.jpg

Hubbs is feeling a little better and wants to try to make it through the day without pain meds (just taking the anti-inflammatory). We have a drs appt for me and baby in a few minutes and I am hoping we can plan my induction for the end of this week. Hubbs should hopefully be able to at least stand better by then and I would like to be home with baby so we can roll right back into work by Monday. Last week, baby boy was still too high. Hopefully, he’s figured out that the exit is south! I feel like he’s confused and thinks he can come out through my belly button. It’s a bit painful! Considering I have been having lots of contractions, I am praying he’s moved down!!

Today feels like it’s going to be a good day.

I guess we will know soon enough!

20120626-092629.jpg Cakes bringing me flowers! XOXO

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